Verdict

So what two things are equally as inspirational and discouraging to you JL's music career?

The boyfriend and the father.

This is not about blame. This is about seeing their faces light up so much over dinner and drinks as they crack jokes at my expense and conveniently forget the time. I'm set to go on for 10 30, too late for dad and now too late to leave for the open mic night, as watches are peeked at and eyes made across the table asking if I'd rather be here, now, with the men I love.

So the audience that night was one. But an important one. A step one. I suppose that is what I meant.

And I went home, and I played some tunes, with the kind of soul and fervour that I would expect of myself in the best of times. And it might have been 4 ears instead of 20 or 30 but it was real and right and what I needed that night.

This is not a disappointment people. If you feel that way, you miss the point and its unfortunate for you that your minds are too small to see what my eyes were blind to until that night. What was said, in brief:


"If I feel inspired, let me be. My terms are simple. Play the next song that needs to be in the air."


"Twelve minutes of silence needs to be heard on track 11 before you get to the bonus song. It's worth twelve years of silence. Trust."


"How will we live together, with desks faced away, blowing our smoke out the the side and cueing up new sounds for ourselves and our other ears? Oh, that's how. That's house. That's home."

What was played, at length:


Bobby McGee
One Flight Down
Poker Face
Dreams
Some Sam Cooke, not in the memory space to say what
Adele
Beatles
Old Apartment

Some games involving musical competitions of djing and such. I lost to the dj, but really we both won. Want some wine for that cheese?


J. Lady is ready to steal herself some spotlight. I want to put it off to the side though, so it can give me a quiet fuzz and let the room spin on its own axis. But there will be the few who see the sounds float in the haze. They will love me. I will shine for them. It's not always for me.